Opening hours

With a baby, the nights can sometimes seem endless, but then suddenly we wake up to find that the first three years have flown by and it is time for kindergarten. We’ll tell you what worked for us during those first few days and while settling in, and how we made life a little easier for both our children and ourselves with a few small things.

They say everything was simpler in the old days. There was no question about which kindergarten children would attend; most went to the one closest to their home or their parents’ workplace. Settling in was not a big fuss either: you went there, stayed there, and that was it. The children knew this too, and understood that they could object, but what would be the point?

Of course, this is a highly exaggerated picture, greatly embellished by the memories of older generations, because there were crying children left behind and crying mothers hurrying away in the old days too, and there were also parents and kindergarten teachers who paid attention to the children’s current emotional state.

These days, of course, things are completely different for many people. Some spend months finding the place that suits them best, wherever it may be. And rightly so, because anyone who can should do plenty of research into who their child will spend their days with and how. It makes a great deal of difference what kinds of influences they are exposed to, especially if they spend part of the afternoon there too, because being surrounded by people who have a negative influence on them in any way can have very harmful long-term consequences.

We cannot keep little ones in a completely sealed bubble, nor is that what we want to suggest. There will always be children and parents with whom we disagree on most things, but if the values of the kindergarten teachers and most of the families who attend are similar to ours, then things should be fine.

By now, everyone has probably chosen the kindergarten that suits them best and the teacher who is the best fit for their child (which is one of the most important things, if not the most important!), where a new chapter in the youngest children’s lives can begin within days. Some are excited, some a little worried, but most parents and children alike can hardly wait for the first day.

Even the bravest sometimes become uncertain, though. The parents, that is. Because as tempting as a little time apart can be after three years spent at home, they suddenly see their child as very small and realize that they are supposed to leave them in a place where they cannot see what they are doing, where they are not the ones looking after them, but someone else. This is a completely natural feeling, and almost everyone goes through it, but it soon turns out that there is no need to worry and everything will be just fine.

During the first few days, most places allow the children to stay together with one of their parents. This gives the child a chance to start exploring the new place independently, while having the reassuring knowledge that their mother or father is there.

When they become deeply absorbed in play, let’s go outside for a few minutes. To use the bathroom, make a phone call, or anywhere else, just to see whether they notice at all and, if so, how they react. If they do not pay any attention to it, they can stay for longer the next day, and on the third day they may even be able to have lunch there.

As with so many other things, gradual progress and attentiveness are the key here too. If we feel that our child is perfectly happy and it is only difficult for us to leave them there, let’s take a deep breath and say goodbye with a smile, so they can see that we trust them and know they are capable of staying there. It is also worth visiting the kindergarten a few times before starting, if you have the opportunity. It helps if the whole place already feels familiar before they actually start attending.

If we see that they are having difficulty letting us go, we should not force it; let’s give them time. Sit down with them and talk about all the wonderful things they can do until we come back for them - which will be very soon, so there is no need to worry. Go through the day with them, perhaps with the kindergarten teachers’ help, explaining what they will do and when. Many little ones are only afraid of what will happen to them “alone” while one of their parents is still there; they are afraid of the unfamiliar, which is why they do not want to let go.

Many people also use the “surprise” trick: Mum or Dad goes to work now, but when they come back, they will have a little something with them that the child will be very happy about. It can be anything they can genuinely look forward to during those few hours. Of course, it is easy to fall into the trap of turning this into a routine, but a little care can prevent that. (Or not. Some people say they would rather bring a small something every day for months if it means they never have to leave their child at kindergarten in tears. Not everyone admits to this, of course, but whatever works for each person.)

If after several days they still will not let go of the parent who is there, let’s try switching. If Mum has been with them so far, let Dad go instead. If they are not there with the parent who was at home with them beforehand, it may be easier, because they are already used to that parent leaving and then coming back. This is not easy everywhere, especially because of work, but by now most employers are perhaps flexible enough to support their employees who are parents during these days and in these situations.

Starting kindergarten is not always easy. There are lucky families whose children simply run in and stay without any problems, but many parents leave their children there in tears, no matter how much they would prefer not to. If these few ideas and tips have helped even one or two families, we are very happy - and to everyone else, we wish you strength. The kindergarten years are the best; we hope you will see that soon too!